Review: Deadly Games – a Tale of Horror


Deadly Games by Lennie Grace

3 stars

Read from 11 – 12 June, 2020

Synopsis: A game of truth or dare turns very, very serious as Carson is dared into summoning an evil spirit by her brother and his cruel friend. What started as a simple attempt to scare her turns into a nightmare. When the ghost kidnaps the boys, Carson finds herself in a terrifying game of hide-and-seek. She must find them before it’s too late. But the spirit is angry and determined to kill anyone she believes is trying to bully her. Will they survive this deadly game? Or are they all doomed to death at the hands of a vengeful ghost?

Bookish Things: 104 pages. The cover is basic and looks very indie.

Where to buy: Amazon on kindle for $1.46.

My Review: 

Overall this was the bare bones of a nice little tale, but it doesn’t go much outside of the typical horror story tropes.

The epilogue gives away the ending and the characters are kinda one dimensional. The writing needs a fair bit of work. It’s nothing that a good edit won’t fix, but there’s a few glaring things that should be addressed.

The text is laden with passive writing. This distances the reader from the action and makes it harder to invest in the characters.

There is also an overuse of adjectives and adverbs. An example: He was shaking horribly…

There’s also a lot of telling instead of showing the action. This further removes the reader from the story and makes it feel like you’re listening to a recount of an event instead of being thrust into the thick of it. It mutes the sensory information and makes the reader more of a spectator.

These things don’t require a lot of work to fix, but by fixing them it will make the story a lot more engaging and atmospheric, encourage the reader to feel for the characters and put themselves into the action along with them.

The tone of this story reads very juvenile, but the content is not suitable for young adults. This is probably due to the age of the main characters, however it does make a rather big disconnect for the reader. Also, while there’s some graphic content, it doesn’t go into great detail so it’s almost like the book isn’t sure if it wants to be YA or adult fiction.

Editing things I noticed:

13% – … to make her hid(e) alone in the dark…
18% – So S(s)he had to destroy them.
25% – (T)they were easier to deal with when they…
– …ask about condoms that(n) do the dare…
38% – … that thing appeared(appear) in the mirror.
40% – She hid it in the back of o(the) closet…
53% – Sam just doesn’t want (to be) picked on…
73% – …falled(following?) that (those?) terrified screamed calls of “Carson!”
74% – …she’d never know(n) about any sort of fields…
82% – He thrashed and scream(ed), but couldn’t escape.
– …his lap full of his own throw-up (vomit?)…
84% – …wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting here (delete here) in the ring…
85% – “No.(,) they didn’t,” or “No. t(T)hey didn’t,”
– …Carson has been trapped her(e). (Although the here isn’t needed anyway) 87% – … their friends laughing (at) her and Simon…
88% – Countless nights w(h)ere she had cried…
– But that(delete that, replace with the) part that (k)new this was…
92% – “Of course you (delete you), Lily promised.
93% – Carson smiled make (what?)
94% – …there was nothing to suggest something is (delete is) horrible was done…
95% – She watched (as) her and Sam’s…
98% – …hide-and-seek with us, Lily,” (t)hey said…

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