Art, Not Apart Review – My version pre-edit!


Because Dianne asked for the pre-edit version of my review of Art, Not Apart for the You Are Here festival – here it is.

My review pre-edit:

Art, Not Apart

The scent of freshly made crepes pervaded the music and conversation laden air as the Art, Not Apart festival took a strangle hold on New Acton in the Nation’s Capital. Saturday the 16th of March saw a light breeze bringing with it fresh eyes to devour the jumble of art and artists that were breathing life into this local art festival.

One could mingle with the mish-mash of accepting souls that coloured the dreary urban landscape with wild, imaginative smatterings of creativity and suitcases full of second hand gear. Coming to life upon the walls of New Acton’s urban jungle were examples of the artists’ sub-conscious expressions. They ranged from the vampiric tomato-headed angel to a full height, tribal alien robot in black and white being created as the public streamed past.

The creatively decorated central stage welcomed everyone, sending words of whimsy and woe from the extremely talented and award-winning poetry slammer Raphael Kabo into the growing crowds waiting ears.

Raphael was followed by the obscure, yet lively music (reminiscent of folk mixed with modern rock and jazz) of Natalie Magee. She and her band had the crowd entranced and tapping their feet as the organic foods from Urban Food Café and the other food stands was being heartily enjoyed. The creperie stall had a bustling line of waiting patrons that seemed to struggle with what to look at next as their delicious desserts were being made to order. The senses almost became overwhelmed with the sights, sounds and smells of this truly amazing festival.

But, this was not just a festival for arty folk, kids could express themselves by building a cardboard box forte, while other patrons could purchase artwork or a piece of written creativity from Scissors Paper Pen’s WORDLAB stall.

Couple this with the artistic displays that ranged from dancing expression accompanied by the soulful tune of a lone saxophone to the talented graffiti artists providing live viewing of their creations in the making.

Art, Not Apart has come to life within Canberra three times now; I’m hoping it will continue to do so for many more to come.

Compared to the edited version:

The scent of freshly made crepes floated upon the light breeze, mingling with the music and conversation as the Art, Not Apart festival took a hold on New Acton this past Saturday. A fresh-eyed crowd filled the precinct, eager to absorb the jumble of art and artists that were breathing life into this local festival.

One could mix with the mish-mash of accepting souls as they enlivened the dreary urban landscape with wild, imaginative smatterings of creativity and suitcases full of second-hand gear. Coming to life upon the walls of New Acton’s urban jungle were examples of the artists’ subconscious expressions. They ranged from a vampiric tomato-headed angel to a full-height, tribal alien robot in black and white being created as the public streamed past.

From a welcoming and creatively decorated central stage, the extremely talented and award-winning poetry slammer Raphael Kabo sent words of whimsy and woe into the growing crowd’s waiting ears. Raphael was followed by the obscure yet lively music of Natalie Magee, reminiscent of folk mixed with modern rock and jazz. She and her band had the crowd entranced and tapping their feet as the organic foods from Urban Food Café and the other food stands were being heartily enjoyed. The creperie stall had a bustling line of waiting patrons that seemed to struggle with what to look at next as their delicious meals were being made to order. The senses almost became overwhelmed with the sights, sounds and smells of this truly amazing festival.

But this was not just a festival for arty folk. Kids could express themselves by building a cardboard box fort, while other patrons could purchase artwork, or a piece of written creativity from Scissors Paper Pen’s WORDLAB stall. Added to all this were the artistic displays that ranged from expressive dancing accompanied by the soulful tune of a lone saxophone, to talented street artists providing live viewings of their creations in the making.

Art, Not Apart has come to life within Canberra three times now. I’m hoping it will continue to do so for many more years to come.

My thoughts:

I played with the format of this one, instead of just telling what I saw I tried to capture the ‘atmosphere’ of the place, the crazy, jumbled, eccentric-ness of it all, the overwhelming sensory overload. This could be part of why my original review seemed a little chaotic.

What do you think of the two versions? Do you like the edits or prefer my original version? Tell me why below!

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7 thoughts on “Art, Not Apart Review – My version pre-edit!

  1. I like your version better because it puts me more ‘in the scene’, but maybe RiotACT has a specific way of reporting for their reviews. It’s good to compare the two and I’m so glad you put the original up here (I guess there’s a lot of learning to be done when were writing for a company who has a specific audience and a certain way of doing things). Just keep being you and using your own voice 😀

    • Thanks Dianne.

      Just for clarification, the editing was done by the Scissors, paper, pen blog team not the RiotACT guys.

      I like both versions, but I still prefer mine 😛

      • AH – I see! That’s very interesting indeed….

        • Yeah! The feedback from the ‘editor’ was mostly around the jumbled imagery or what they thought were awkward word choices. I do see their point, especially if you had to go back and re-read any of the sentences.

          I think though, the atmosphere of the whole event was like that. Something would catch your eye and you would almost do a double-take. The crowd was like a stream, moving around tables, displays and the like. It was all rather chaotic. Organised chaos mind you, but still chaos!

  2. Articles are something I really struggle with. I did one for my writing class, and even in the re-write, I wasn’t happy with it. Trying too hard, maybe.

  3. Actually, I like the first one better! The second one has some things going for it – the description of the bands music seems a little more integrated now, but the organised chaos seems to be more vivid in the first.

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